Is Keith Ellison the Antichrist?

It is said that people from Saint Paul, Minnesota like to visit Minneapolis, Minnesota on Halloween because it is extra scary. But they would always come home before dark. Meanwhile, it is hard to find which Minneapolis residents are dressed as goblins and witches because…well, have you ever been to Uptown?

Putting aside the quaint Garrison Keillor style humor, it is true that Minneapolis is a little scary. It is full of anarchists, of people with deep thoughts, scary federal penitentiarians, scary sushi eaters, and…and…bicycle riders!!11!!

So, I suppose it is quite reasonable that the man chosen by the Republicans to run against Fifth District Congressman Keith Ellison is a firm believer that we are presently in the End Times and that the Antichrist is almost here.

Which makes sense, really. If you are a Republican, Keith Ellison is the Antichrist. He’s black. He’s a Muslim. He’s a Democrat. And…he’s a liberul!!!

So, what’s the story? Associate Pastor Joel Demos will run against the highly popular Congressperson who represents Minneapolis and surrounding territories. And here’s what the Pastor has to say:

“I believe that we are seeing the signs of the times,” he said in a January 2009 sermon at his church, Christian Life Center. “We are seeing things unfold in the world that are opening the door for the new world order which we see in end time prophecy.”

“We may in 2009 witness a new heaven,” he said. “We may witness the very last days of this world in this very year. We don’t know what 2009 will bring in our lives.”

“Anti-American hatred is rooted in a distaste of the people of God and because we have been a predominantly Christian nation, we are finding across this globe the spirit of the anti-Christ is on the rise,” he said. “And I believe we are quickly approaching the end of time.”

Demos also said that Satan has been hard at work in [the sleepy Minneapolis suburb of] Golden Valley.

“Folks we are having a revival. The devil might have thought that this was his territory. He might have though he had this area under wraps. He organized and he had a good thing going in Golden Valley, which is central to the western suburbs.”

This is going to be a tough decision. Crazy right wing Republican pastor who is pretty sure the Antichrist live in Golden Valley, or the highly regarded, hard-working and intelligent, very capable and responsive, liberal Democrat.

What would you do?

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8 Responses to “Is Keith Ellison the Antichrist?”

  1. April 14th, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    Adamo says:

    Unfortunately, I don’t live in Keith Ellison’s district, so I can’t vote for him. I would, even over my current semi-liberal representative, Jim Oberstar. Keith is great! We need about 250 more like him in the House, 65 in the Senate, and a pair in the White House. Plus one very rich one to buy out Fox.

    Is this the end times? Only time will tell, really, but I don’t believe in them they way the Bible claims they’ll happen. I figure global warming is more likely to bring end times to our species than anything else, and in that case, Pogo was right: We have met the enemy, and they is us. I guess that makes us the Antichrist, which I find highly disappointing, since I always figured it was George Bush. Or maybe Cheney.

  2. April 14th, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Joshua Zelinsky says:

    Hang on, he didn’t say that the Antichrist was in Golden Valley. He said the devil was. Those don’t mean the same thing. The Antichrist in the underlying theology is a specific human being. That’s not the same at all as having the devil somewhere.

  3. April 14th, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    Mike Haubrich says:

    Joshua, Bob Dylan said it best. Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.

  4. April 14th, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Greg Laden says:

    Joshua: What. Ever.

    Mike: And, Bob Dillon was also from Golden Valley!

    Well, not really, but Minnesota, anyway.

  5. April 14th, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Greg Laden says:

    I’m guessing this would all be a lot funnier for people who have been to Golden Valley. Which is not far from Edina, Hopkins, or Plymouth, all very funny suburbs of Minneapolis.

  6. April 15th, 2010 at 6:55 am

    Stephanie Zvan says:

    Wait. Hopkins is funny?

  7. April 15th, 2010 at 9:46 am

    Greg Laden says:

    People in Minnetonka and Wayzata have a lot of jokes about Hopkins. But nobody beats E.d.i.n.a. for laughs.

  8. April 19th, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Ben Zvan says:

    There’s at least one church in Golden Valley with columns in the architecture. Evil, I tell you!

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